Saturday, October 21, 2006
'Don’t take everything so personally' - International keynote professional speaker Carole Spiers says count ten and stay out of that defensive mode...
As a motivational speaker who has counselled and trained vastly differing kinds of people in business, I have noticed how widespread is the tendency to interpret ordinary straightforward statements and questions as personal criticism.
This misunderstanding clearly causes much enmity and bad blood, as well as hampering important meetings and generally slowing down the pace of business dialogue.
Being a woman, of course, I know I’m in the danger zone myself (“You women always have to personalise”), as I was reminded not long ago when I was Event Host at a large conference, where my hosts were particularly quick to point out my supposed errors of stance, posture, movement and dress, every time I came off the platform. My first instinct was to reject this tactless intervention out of hand. Instead I counted to ten, calmly considering what had been said, and then thanked them for their input. While I did not agree with much of it, I could regard it as professional feedback from paying clients who were entitled to their point of view. (And I would accept that feedback has its value to a platform artist - we do actually need to be updated on how others see us.)
That little pause for thought…
So you see, a few seconds was enough to shift the emphasis from personal to professional.
I wish another recent interviewee of mine had taken similar thought, when I needed to tap him for some detailed information on his speciality, in which I was a total novice. It is true that I had to ask some quite penetrating questions, which I tried my best to put to him in a non-inquisitorial manner. Unfortunately he interpreted this as some kind of oral exam, with his expertise under review, and he felt it necessary to keep explaining how well-qualified he was. It is easy to recognise this as a deeply defensive response, and as such, highly impulsive. It did not occur to him that he had meanwhile failed to supply the answers I was needing.
If he’d counted to ten, he probably would have done.
“You” doesn’t always mean you personally
One typical high-risk zone for over-personalising is the customer-service department, where you are always being told that ‘you’ have failed to do this, that and the other. Especially as the complaint is liable to be made in angry and insulting terms.
At those times, you must remember that the complaints refer not to you personally, but to the organisation as a whole. Of course, you may feel defensive on behalf of the organisation too. But in framing your response, remember that the situation has everything to do with the caller’s situation, possibly a sudden crisis, in which you may have found yourself at some time. And that should make you feel a lot less defensive on your own part - and more professional at the same time.
Again, ten should do it!
Carole Spiers – inspirational keynote professional speaker occupies a special niche as an expert in Personal Development. She brings together the separate cultures of individual empowerment and executive management - proving to corporate business that empowered employees improve performance and output. Carole’s keynote presentations have educated and inspired audiences all over the world. She is also a high profile broadcaster, journalist and President of the London Chapter of the Professional Speakers Association.
Our publications and sales CDs have been sold globally. To sign up for our FREE success quotations http://tinyurl.co.uk/yhgv, or for more information email info@carolespiers.com to telephone +44 (0) 29 8954 1593 www.carolespiers.com
See Carole live at London Ecademy - lst November 2006
http://www.ecademy.com/module.php?mod=meeting&mid=12163
# posted by Carole Spiers @ 5:31 PM 
